Tightrope Walking 101
by Sushi Chi
Summary: This will be a series of oneshots that I've written on my tumblr. Most are drabbles or ficlets. So unless stated, none of the stories are in the same verse. Puck/Kurt.
1. The Black Lagoon

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, alas.  
A/N: This will be a series of oneshots that I've written on my tumblr. Most are drabbles or ficlets. So unless stated, none of the stories are in the same verse.**

**The Black Lagoon**

Puck flopped onto the sofa. Groaning, he moved one of the pillows from under him to over his head and threw the other one on the floor. Kicking off his shoes, he winced when he heard one of them land on the end table. Luckily, it didn't hit the lamp. Kurt would have killed him if he had sent it over the edge, migraine or no migraine.

Sighing, Puck tried to get comfortable but was having some difficulty. Their sofa was never this lumpy before was it? And why were his feet so cold? Was that a hole he felt in his sock? Growling a bit, he turned over, now facing the back of the couch. Curling up some, he tucked his face between the back and the seat cushions, hoping for some relief.

The problem was, he still wasn't comfortable. His head was pounding and he wasn't all that tired. But sleeping usually helped with his migraines, after taking his medicine that was. But he felt too exposed to go to sleep.

Growling, he sat up, pillow that had been over his head, fell next to the one on the floor. Turning around, he got on his feet and went over to the chair, grabbing a blanket. Wrapping himself up and picking up a pillow, he moved back to the sofa. Back in his previous position, he was hoping the blanket would make him feel less exposed.

It wasn't working.

He was so frustrated. He hated migraines and the way they made him feel. Not only was there the pain and the nausea and the black spots in his vision, but he felt helpless, his emotions higher on the surface. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He wanted to cry.

And if he succumbed to that want, he could always claim it was from the pain, not the emotional turmoil mixed with the physical pain. No one would have to know.

Just then, he heard the door open, and a quiet intake of breath. Puck heard Kurt take off his shoes and grab a book on his way over to the couch. Soft footsteps preceded the feeling of the extra weight on the sofa as it creaked annoyingly.

Having his feet pulled up, Puck had apparently left enough room for Kurt to squeeze in and sit at least semi-comfortably. He felt Kurt open his book and placed it on his lap while a hand lightly rested on Puck's leg.

Puck felt the tension seep out of his body. Letting go of a relaxed breath, Puck was able to fall into the healing arms of sleep.


	2. 21

**Disclaimer: Standard still applies.  
A/N: I wrote this when my friend had turned 21.  
**

**21**

Puck smirked and wrapped his arms around Kurt as they looked out their window at New York. "Babe, it's your 21st birthday." He whispered into his ear, "What do you want to do?"

Kurt leaned back and sighed, a smile on his face. "Legally drink." He started, "Then have drunk sex."

Puck laughed deeply, "I have taught you well."


	3. Assassins

**Disclaimer: Standard still applies.  
A/N: No, I don't know what this is. Mind, I do know that it's an AU.  
**

**Assassins**

"You're kidding." Finn said to Tina, mouth falling open. "Him? Him?"

Tina grinned and nodded, "Yes. Don't underestimate our Kurt Hummel." She paused, "I think he uses the fact that most do to his advantage." She shrugged and turned back the lab beside her.

Finn had been recruited by Schue. It was strange, really. He'd never thought much about becoming an assassin for hire. He'd been too busy mopping up messes at the local grocery store and then going and working out at the gym afterwards. He knew that he was big and strong and had a mean right hook, but him? As an assassin? Only time he'd ever thought of himself like that was when he was playing video games.

But Schue saw the potential. And Finn was quick to learn as long as Schue was the one teaching him. Other than Schue, he saw Tina mostly. She was into poisons. Mixed them and distributed them. Either she gave them to other assassins or she did the job herself. But she was the expert in deadly poisons.

Finn had bonded most with Puck, even though he didn't see the guy much. Puck was one of the best, apparently. He kept hearing that Puck was tied for first in the title of best assassin. Not that ranking assassins was an easy thing to do… still, it was something Finn had heard on the grapevine.

Strange that the assassin community had a ranking system as well as gossip at the water cooler.

Puck was what other assassins wished they were. He was well built but moved with a grace needed to get the job done. Finn hadn't had an actual job yet, as he wasn't all that graceful and tended to muck things up when he tried to sneak about. Puck was awesome, he was laid back and probably got laid all the time. Of course, Finn thought that based on how much the guy flirted. Surely at least one person fell for his lines.

But Tina had just said that Kurt Hummel's nick name was the Little Big Man. And then she said that was because Kurt, who was wiry and sarcastic but wore boots that Finn had trouble thinking was found in the man section of the store, who was just so tiny and ate salads for lunch, that Kurt was the other guy tied for number one assassin.

What? Him? Kurt? Really?

Tina grinned and grabbed Finn's hand. "Yeah, Kurt and Puck are like, a match made in heaven." She pulled him towards the training room. "And I mean that in every way imaginable."

They stopped outside the room, looking in through the doors. Finn saw Puck in work-out pants and a white tee fighting Kurt, who was in some red pants that were rather tight and a white tee. Kurt's white tee looked like it belonged to Puck though. Which was… odd.

Puck laughed, smirk in place as he and Kurt fought, both moving almost too quickly for Finn to watch without feeling ill. Kurt dodged and got down on the floor, body moving into a position that reminded Finn of a spider. Grabbing into Puck's leg, Kurt tried to pull him down. Puck kicked and ended up escaping Kurt's grasp. Finn saw a glare flash on Kurt's face right before a grin took it's place. Before Puck could do anything, Kurt was on his back and had Puck in a chokehold. Puck tried to get Kurt off him, but Kurt held strong.

Puck started to sway and Finn knew that he was about to pass out. It was in that moment, that Kurt let go and landed on his feet, behind Puck. Both had stopped moving and were breathing hard.

Puck turned slowly and laughed before reaching out and collecting Kurt in his arms. Which was also odd. Why wasn't Kurt fighting back? For a second there Finn thought the fight was over, but with Puck's movement he'd been proven wrong and—

Tina's hand was on his arm, "Let's go get lunch. They'll be busy for a while." She rolled her eyes, "If they have sex in the training room again," She was talking louder, so that Kurt and Puck could hear, "they had better clean up and spray everything down."

"Wait. What?" Finn said, glancing back into the training room once more only to find Puck on his knees and undoing Kurt's tight pants that really now that he was looking he could see—Ooh. Yes, he and Tina would get lunch. "Ooh. Yes, Tina, lets go get lunch."**  
**


	4. Untitled

**Disclaimer: Standard still applies.  
A/N: No, I don't know what this is. Mind, I do know that it's an AU.  
**

**Untitled**

Kurt opened the door and raised his eyebrow at the sight before him. A man, with what looked like a fresh mohawk was on his door step. "Jeez, Noah. You could've let yourself in, it's not like I moved the spare key."

Puck walked in, stumbling a bit, not used to this body. He didn't say anything as he followed Kurt inside, "And why exactly did you have to go and get your haircut before coming to me? I could've shaved the sides of your head."

Licking his lips, Puck finally spoke, the first time in that body, "I had to make sure you would recognize me." He paused, "Didn't want to use the spare key to walk into the house with a new body and have you shoot me. I'd have to go find some other schmuck in a coma."

Kurt made a non-committal noise, "Yes, because you couldn't have opened with 'Babe, relax, it's just me'."

Puck rolled his eyes as he jumped up to sit on the counter, and watching as Kurt moved around the kitchen, continuing to cook his meal, "And would I have been able to say that before you killed me? I don't think so. I've seen you with a gun." He eyed the cutting blade in Kurt's hand, "I've also seen you with a knife."

Kurt shrugged. "Okay fine. Whatever." Sighing he looked at Puck, "You eating with me? Do I need to add food to this?"

Puck nodded, "I stole the medical files of this dude, so as long as there isn't any peanuts in your noodle-y and meat meal with a side salad, I'll have some." He frowned, "I will miss peanuts. Because Snickers. And like, PB and J, dude."

Kurt hummed to himself for a second before pointing his knife at Puck, "It's not like you can go out and find a coma-guy who isn't allergic to peanuts."

"But babe," Puck jumped down from the counter and wrapped his arms around Kurt, "this body is totes smoking. I know you can't wait till you can unwrap it and find out how big my new cock is." He smirked and whispered in Kurt's ear, "Spoilers: it's huge."


	5. Coffee

**Disclaimer: Standard still applies.  
A/N: This could be seen as a future drabble from the Do Something Verse or not. Up to you.  
**

**Coffee  
**

Kurt's foot was sticking out of the blankets that were wrapped around him, his eyes peaking out from under it, barely open but glaring nevertheless. His hand had fallen on to the floor and grabbed what was there to greet it. "Coffee, now." His voice was rougher than usual. "Or I shoot you in th' knee." He pointed the gun that was weighting his hand down some at Puck.

Puck chuckled, coffee in his hand, "Babe, that's Jamie's Nerf Gun we got her for her fifth birthday. It's not a real gun."

Kurt glanced at the gun in his hand, and indeed, it was a toy gun with some soft foam darts loaded in it. "Can still shoot you." With that he pulled the trigger and Puck watched the dart fly harmlessly beside him.

"Good try. You'll get me next time." Grinning, he handed over the coffee.


	6. Possess

**Disclaimer: Standard still applies.  
A/N: You can honestly blame this one on the fact that I've been reading Teen Wolf fanfic (NO REGRETS - that stuff is addicting). This fic came about because I was reading about possessive werewolves.  
**

**Possess  
**

People see how possessive Puck is of Kurt since they started dating.

They see how when someone looks at Kurt wrong, Puck growls. Or when someone who isn't from Glee touches him (even accidentally brushing up against him in the crowded hallway), Puck pushes them against the nearest wall or row of lockers. They see how Puck watches over Kurt, as if Kurt was his.

The teachers are worried, they know signs of unhealthy relationships.

Plus, Kurt is so much smaller than Puck.

But they don't see how possessive Kurt is of Puck.

They don't see how everyday Kurt slowly undresses Puck, looking for new bruises from fights, and how when he finds them he marks the bruises as his. They don't see how Kurt always makes sure Puck is within his reach to grab and hold hands with (especially if any girl Cheerio who isn't in Glee is around). They don't see how with the smallest movement, Kurt conveys that Puck belongs to him and answers only to him.

All the girls, and some of the guys know. Those students who have had or may one day have an interest in either Puck or Kurt. They know. They know from the change in the air Kurt gives off if they even try to hint at liking Puck. The air he gives off without moving a muscle. They know that if they were ever to even think about touching Kurt or simply bringing him one of his coffees that they would have Puck to deal with Puck. And no one wants to do that, they remember what happened to Blaine after he had hurt Kurt.

Because of the complete conviction in each other and in themselves, they could rule the school. No one wants to mess with anyone so sure of themselves. But Puck nor Kurt rule the school, they couldn't be bothered. It's not important.

What is important is them. As long as they have each other, as long as they own each other, as long as possess each other, nothing else is important.


	7. What Sarah Said

**Disclaimer: Standard still applies.  
A/N: I really enjoy writing Puck's family. Sarah, you are perfection.  
**

**What Sarah Said  
**

It's after Puck cleans the bowl he used for cereal that he feels defeated. Drying his hands, he slumps into the living room were he falls onto his sofa, almost bouncing off it from the force.

"Pray tell," Sarah said, face suddenly in front of his, her hair tickling his nose. "Why are you being such a sad sack of shit?"

"Language!" Came a muffled yell from the other room.

"Sorry, Ma!" Sarah yelled back, "But Noah is being a sad sack of shit and I'm calling him out on it!"

"Whatever." Their mom yells back.

Sarah turns back to him, "So, sad sack of shit, why so sad?"

"Because of reasons." Puck mutters, turning on his side so that his back is to her and his face up against the pillows.

"Not a good answer, sad sack." Sarah sat on his legs, "You must tell me or I will tell you about what happens in the Hunger Games trilogy."

Puck turned and glared at her, "You better keep your mouth shut, asswipe. I'm almost done with the first book and don't ruin these for me like you did Harry Potter." He muttered to himself, a bad intimation of his sister's voice, "Oh Noah, don't bother getting too attached, Sirius dies. As. Does. Every. One. Else."

"Then tell me." Sarah replied.

Throwing a hand over his eyes, Puck said, "Kurt decided that he would continue dating Blaine."

"That fucking bastard."

"Language!"

"Sorry, Ma!" Sarah quickly yelled. "I mean, Kurt, I like the dude. He's pretty awesome. But it's clear that Blaine is cheating on him!"

"I know." Puck whispered.

"You need to fight for him." Sarah said, poking him in the chest.

"He won't— Blaine is his first relationship. I think he's got all his dreams set on Blaine. No matter who his boyfriend is screwing behind his back." He shrugged, "Besides, you can't even claim that he shouldn't continue dating Blaine because a cheater will always be a cheater. Kurt knows I've cheated. Your argument is invalid."

"But you wouldn't cheat on him." Sarah said with a sigh and slumped, "This blows, dude."

"Duh."

"You still need to fight for him." Sarah insisted. She put a hand over Puck's mouth as he started to argue back, "Shh. Just listen sad sack, you need to be there for Kurt. Basically date him without dating him. It's a start. And sing him Disney songs because Disney rocks. Like, I'll Make a Man Out of You is totes my favorite thing to listen to as I work out."

"But—"

"Shhh! Sad sack, I told you to be quiet. I'm plotting." Sarah said, "He likes romantic shit too, so be romantic. Blaine is a bit bad at that, I've noticed. And it's just, he'll realize that Blaine is a fucker—"

"Language!"

"—and deserves to have his cock cut off."

Puck blinked, "That sounds a bit severe."

"No it doesn't." Sarah got up and narrowed her eyes at him, "You are going to fight for Kurt if you care about him, which I know you do. You won't take any prisoners because it's a fight to the death. Or a fight to see who get's their cock cut off. Whichever you prefer. Because you can do this." There was a small upward tilt to her lips, "May the odds be ever in your favor."


	8. Now Kiss

**Disclaimer: Standard still applies.  
A/N: Last one for now. And as a warning: this is crack. And a fairytale.  
**

**Now Kiss  
**

"Oh hell no." Kurt said as he looked down at his outfit. "I am not going to be the princess in this story. Just because I like clothes and Lady Gaga and will sing girl's songs does not mean that I am the princess in this story."

Okay. And that makes sense. Legit reasons, I get 'cha. No worries.

Kurt smiled as he was in a dashing prince outfit, "This is much better."

Only now Puck, who was a few leagues away, was yelling and shaking his fist at the sky, "What the hell just happened? I was doing my math homework when suddenly I'm like, on a horse and I know that I'm a prince and then something happened—" Kurt happened. Kurt was unhappy. "—And then, apparently, Kurt happened and now I'm stuck in a tower as a princess." He paused and cross his arms, "Clearly I should never do homework if this is what happens when I try to do it.

But it's okay that Puck is the princess because now we're going against gender roles and all that jazz.

"But I'm a man! I have man-balls!" Puck argued.

And so does Kurt. Kurt is a man with man-balls too.

"I am not going to be some damsel in distress so that Kurt can save me." Puck growled out.

And okay. Fine. Fine.

No one wants to be the princess in this story.

Fine.

I'll just go in a corner and cry my eyes out because no one is working with me in this story and it sucks so hard and I'm just trying to work out a fairytale with you two because you're perfect for each other and I just want you to kiss and maybe have sex and is that too much to ask? I'm totally going to write about this in my journal now, you bastar—

"Fine." Puck sighed, "I'll be your damn princess."

You will?

Puck narrowed his eyes, "No. Fuck it. Make up some other fairy tale. I know you can do it."

Okay. I'll try.

Here we go.

Kurt was on a Quest to go and slay a dragon— "I can get some awesome dragon boots." —yes, yes. Anyway, he was going to slay a dragon but what he didn't know was that Puck was also on his way to slay the same dragon.

"Fuck yes. This is a role I can get behind." Puck smirked as he rode towards Dragon Mountain.

It's an aptly named place.

It was the base of Dragon Mountain that they met. "We go to high school together!" Puck yelled, ruining my script, "We are friends!"

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Stop playing hard to get, Puckerman. Just play along."

Puck got off his horse and started making camp, Kurt walking up to him after a few minutes, wondering if he could join him. "I assume you're here to kill a dragon?" Kurt asked.

Puck nodded. "Yeah, but only because the other option is being a princess for you to save."

Kurt nodded, "Same here. But we could kill one together. I don't really want to face one on my own."

"Legit." Puck nodded. "Alright. We'll go after the dragon in the morning then? I'm dead tired."

So they started to go to sleep but IT WAS WINDY AND COLD AND MAYBE EVEN SNOW— "What the fuck? It was summer a moment ago! Stop playing with the weather you bitch!" —AND SO TO KEEP WARM THEY HAD TO SNUGGLE TOGETHER.

In the morn, it was sunny and all the snow melted. But the two men were glad that they were able to spoon and keep warm because it was been chilly last night. So chilly that they had thought that maybe they should've had sex to keep warm— "If you wanted us to have sex," Puck started, "then you shouldn't have made the ground so full of rocks." —oops.

"I didn't sleep well at all." Kurt growled, "Couldn't get comfortable because of the rocks. And I don't have any coffee because we're in a fairy tale and it's so unfair."

If you think this is unfair, try having to get a melted candy bar out of it's wrapper — that is so unfair because it's all gooey and the chocolate won't come out and it's just so horrible and why would this happen to me I think I'll go write about it in my journal and—

"Just get on with the story."

Oh, right.

They climbed the mountain which was really hot because it was summer— "IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT." —and so they took their shirts off to stay cool.

When they got to the cave where the Dragon dwelled, they were shocked to see that the dragon had died peacefully in it's sleep due to old age. "What."

Legit. It did.

Killing dragons is animal cruelty you know. I won't have you killing any dragons.

"I'm going to kill you." Puck said, going to grab his sword, but Kurt put a hand on Puck's wrist to stop him.

"It's not worth it, Puck. Don't fight with the narrator."

Ignoring the threat of death, I shall continue the story. The two had an easy time burying the dead dragon, and so they decided that since the cave was furnished with TV and food and everything they wanted (including a love shack, baby) they would stay.

And live together.

"As friends."

NOT AS FRIENDS.

NOW KISS.


End file.
